Monthly Archives: June 2006

The semi-requited novelist

People are ask­ing me questions.

Yes,” they say, “it’s all very well, all this busi­ness with burg­ling and urine port­age and the lesser-known works of Danny DeVito, but didn’t you used to be an unre­quited novelist?”

Well – ” I say, but they inter­rupt me.

Posted in Evil Sulphura, The, The Last Monk, sandwiches, success, writing | Comments closed

Trow your mama off de tram

I tell you vot: you know dat — vot he called — de liddle vun?”

Did you take your pill this morning?”

Shadap, I break you head. No, de liddle vun — Danny DeVito. You know him?”

I put it on the counter with your tea.”

Posted in Danny DeVito, micturation | Comments closed

Unfa­vour­able in appear­ance, devel­op­ment or behaviour

I’m afraid this is going to be an unpleas­ant story, for it begins with the fol­low­ing words: I am sprint­ing des­per­ately up Lygon Street at three minutes to five shak­ing a jar of my own urine.

Posted in caffeine, complete mortification, micturation, wrath | Comments closed