"Everyday girls with kinky fetishes"
JERRY - so Haley, you're clearly a stripper in lingerie we've hired to come on today, tell us about your fetish, which we've just made up for you.
HALEY - I like to kiss girls wearing lipstick - here's my friend/colleague Karly to demonstrate.
Enter KARLY, in lingerie - they kiss.
CROWD - Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
JERRY - Okay, you're here to tell your boyfriend your dark secret - let's bring him on!
Enter BIG FAT REVOLTING MEATHEAD
CROWD - Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
MEATHEAD - Hi Jerry.
JERRY - Haley, tell Meathead your secret.
HALEY - I like to kiss girls wearing lipstick. This is Karly.
KARLY - Hi.
MEATHEAD - [gurgling noises]
JERRY - How do you feel, Meathead?
MEATHEAD - I think I might have just won the lottery, Jerry. Tell me, how can I become a more particpative element of this shabby pornographic burlesque?
JERRY - Well it's quite simple...
HALEY - I want you to put on lipstick right now Meathead, and you can fulfill every big fat revolting meathead's tawdriest dream.
MEATHEAD - I have to put on lipstick?
HALEY - [producing lipstick tube from cleavage] Yes.
MEATHEAD - Right here?
KARLY - [producing lipstick tube from cleavage] Yes.
MEATHEAD - Right now?
JERRY - Yes. And two hired strippers you could never afford, one of whom is pretending beyond all reasonable expectation and several laws of physics to be your girlfriend, will kiss you.
MEATHEAD - But let me get this clear - I'd have to put on lipstick on camera?
CROWD - YES!
MEATHEAD - Gee Jerry, I'm not so sure... I don't want people to think I'm some kind of homo...
ME - You dumb fu- [unintelligible choking noises] -stupid fat son of a- [non-specific apoplectic rage noises] -arse ten-hot-dog-eating stupid-beard moron- [falls off couch onto remote control, which changes TV to interview program]
JOHN HOWARD - ...and I'm entirely satisfied that our relationship with the United States remains a strong bond of equals between two proud, great nations.
ME - [spontaneously combusts]
2 Comments
See? TV is bad for you! (With the possible exception of Dr Who).
Aren't you supposed to be editing young man :D
2 Trackbacks
[...] Very very funny post on the travails of daytime TV.: “JERRY - so Haley, you’re clearly a stripper in lingerie we’ve hired to come on today, tell us about your fetish, which we’ve just made up for you. [...]
[...] Very very funny post on the joys of daytime TV.: “JERRY - so Haley, you’re clearly a stripper in lingerie we’ve hired to come on today, tell us about your fetish, which we’ve just made up for you. [...]