"Everyday girls with kinky fetishes"

JERRY - so Haley, you're clearly a stripper in lingerie we've hired to come on today, tell us about your fetish, which we've just made up for you.

HALEY - I like to kiss girls wearing lipstick - here's my friend/colleague Karly to demonstrate.

Enter KARLY, in lingerie - they kiss.

CROWD - Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

JERRY - Okay, you're here to tell your boyfriend your dark secret - let's bring him on!

Enter BIG FAT REVOLTING MEATHEAD

CROWD - Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

MEATHEAD - Hi Jerry.

JERRY - Haley, tell Meathead your secret.

HALEY - I like to kiss girls wearing lipstick. This is Karly.

KARLY - Hi.

MEATHEAD - [gurgling noises]

JERRY - How do you feel, Meathead?

MEATHEAD - I think I might have just won the lottery, Jerry. Tell me, how can I become a more particpative element of this shabby pornographic burlesque?

JERRY - Well it's quite simple...

HALEY - I want you to put on lipstick right now Meathead, and you can fulfill every big fat revolting meathead's tawdriest dream.

MEATHEAD - I have to put on lipstick?

HALEY - [producing lipstick tube from cleavage] Yes.

MEATHEAD - Right here?

KARLY - [producing lipstick tube from cleavage] Yes.

MEATHEAD - Right now?

JERRY - Yes. And two hired strippers you could never afford, one of whom is pretending beyond all reasonable expectation and several laws of physics to be your girlfriend, will kiss you.

MEATHEAD - But let me get this clear - I'd have to put on lipstick on camera?

CROWD - YES!

MEATHEAD - Gee Jerry, I'm not so sure... I don't want people to think I'm some kind of homo...

ME - You dumb fu- [unintelligible choking noises] -stupid fat son of a- [non-specific apoplectic rage noises] -arse ten-hot-dog-eating stupid-beard moron- [falls off couch onto remote control, which changes TV to interview program]

JOHN HOWARD - ...and I'm entirely satisfied that our relationship with the United States remains a strong bond of equals between two proud, great nations.

ME - [spontaneously combusts]