“Everyday girls with kinky fetishes”
JERRY — so Haley, you’re clearly a stripper in lingerie we’ve hired to come on today, tell us about your fetish, which we’ve just made up for you.
HALEY — I like to kiss girls wearing lipstick — here’s my friend/colleague Karly to demonstrate.
Enter KARLY, in lingerie — they kiss.
CROWD — Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
JERRY — Okay, you’re here to tell your boyfriend your dark secret — let’s bring him on!
Enter BIG FAT REVOLTING MEATHEAD
CROWD — Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
MEATHEAD — Hi Jerry.
JERRY — Haley, tell Meathead your secret.
HALEY — I like to kiss girls wearing lipstick. This is Karly.
KARLY — Hi.
MEATHEAD — [gurgling noises]
JERRY — How do you feel, Meathead?
MEATHEAD — I think I might have just won the lottery, Jerry. Tell me, how can I become a more particpative element of this shabby pornographic burlesque?
JERRY — Well it’s quite simple…
HALEY — I want you to put on lipstick right now Meathead, and you can fulfill every big fat revolting meathead’s tawdriest dream.
MEATHEAD — I have to put on lipstick?
HALEY — [producing lipstick tube from cleavage] Yes.
MEATHEAD — Right here?
KARLY — [producing lipstick tube from cleavage] Yes.
MEATHEAD — Right now?
JERRY — Yes. And two hired strippers you could never afford, one of whom is pretending beyond all reasonable expectation and several laws of physics to be your girlfriend, will kiss you.
MEATHEAD — But let me get this clear — I’d have to put on lipstick on camera?
CROWD — YES!
MEATHEAD — Gee Jerry, I’m not so sure… I don’t want people to think I’m some kind of homo…
ME — You dumb fu– [unintelligible choking noises] –stupid fat son of a– [non-specific apoplectic rage noises] –arse ten-hot-dog-eating stupid-beard moron– [falls off couch onto remote control, which changes TV to interview program]
JOHN HOWARD — …and I’m entirely satisfied that our relationship with the United States remains a strong bond of equals between two proud, great nations.
ME — [spontaneously combusts]
2 Comments
See? TV is bad for you! (With the possible exception of Dr Who).
Aren’t you supposed to be editing young man :D
2 Trackbacks
[…] Very very funny post on the travails of daytime TV.: “JERRY — so Haley, you’re clearly a stripper in lingerie we’ve hired to come on today, tell us about your fetish, which we’ve just made up for you. […]
[…] Very very funny post on the joys of daytime TV.: “JERRY — so Haley, you’re clearly a stripper in lingerie we’ve hired to come on today, tell us about your fetish, which we’ve just made up for you. […]