Archive for July, 2005

scissors and paste

Tuesday, July 26th, 2005

There's a kind of archaeology in the editing process. Having finished a rough first draft of The Last Monk about three weeks ago, I've spent much of the intervening time reading and re-reading the entire manuscript, picking out everything from typos and bad grammar, through inelegant sentence structure to the high-end narrative and character lines which should drive the book.

Englischschlichacha (part two)

Monday, July 18th, 2005

We looked at the football players. They looked at us. One of them had a whisk. This is not a euphemism.

"What did you guys get kicked out of?" asked my new partner.

"Engleschlitchacha," I twitched.

"Oh great," he said. "Not just nerds. Retards, too."

Englischschlichacha (part one)

Thursday, July 14th, 2005

I have a terrible, humiliating and very specific speech impediment. I find it painfully impossible to pronounce the term 'English Literature' in mixed company. I can say 'Russian Literature'. I can say 'English cricket team'. Hell, I can say 'Feodor Mikhailovich Dostoevskij' without blinking, but I honestly cannot say 'English Literature' without dislocating my mandible. It has haunted me since I was sixteen when, in a profoundly influential life event, I was psychologically traumatised by a bowl of scone dough.

There is an explanation for this, but to make it requires that we briefly revisit a party I attended a couple of weeks ago.

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